I think about writing in here often. There is so many things I want to keep so close to me, so many memories, that I feel like the only way to keep them is to write them. And the only way to write them and not lose them is to put them here. My children are growing bigger and smarter and funnier all the same. We measure each child weekly, it seems, and often at least one has grown. Teeth are being lost by what seems like the week and new teeth are quick to grow in. New words are being learned by all and I am often frozen still in time at what is going on around me. Much of my life is out of control. And I don't mean that in a stressful sort of way. But more of a factual comment. I can't control tantrums or attitudes (only mine, and that is hard as it is!). I can't control who will eat dinner or how many times I will have to ask a certain child to put their shoes/jacket/pants on. Or change their socks (SILAS!). And what is most striking is that I cannot control time. It just goes on. It happens. The sun sets and rises and an alarmingly fast rate. I can't will my children to stay put in any moment. I can't stop time and enjoy it longer than time allows. I can't keep Rocco at two or Ivy as a baby. Some days I am easily okay with the fact, and other days I force myself to be okay with it all.

In the past eight years of parenting I have been through hard seasons and sweet spots. This blog has been a blessing to this sentimental soul and I have so enjoyed remembering each season documented as I read through. I keep on meaning to keep up as much as I can because years from now I will want pictures and stories of the right now.

And right now I feel like I am living in a memory. I can look back and remember what it was like having only two kids and both of them were home full time. No rushing out the door in the morning, no place to be, just time on our hands. I never looked forward on those days wondering what it would be like never having those days back. From now on I will always have a child that needs to get to school during the week (until my last one graduates (tear!) ) and I  never realized how sweet it was just being home with the two. Stressful and lonely days, yes, but also it was so lovely just being. That is a sweet memory I would not mind slipping back in for at least a moment.

The right now memory is having our au pair Quezia. This season of our life is so rich and overflowing with life and love and moments that are going to be so unique to this year. I am soaking it all up. I am trying to remember it all as it unfolds. Veda LOVES Quezia almost to a fault. She likes to be by her and be with her and do everything in her company. Quezia is so sweet and genuine and makes Veda feel so special. Veda will yell down the stairs "QUEEEEZZZIIIIIAAAA!!!!" She will ask to rest with her in her bed, color with her, play outside or bake. Quezia has been the sweetest addition to our family. Rocco used to blame his stinky diaper on Ivy, now he just tells me that Quezia already changed him. Hilarious! Quezia takes the kids outside to play in the snow while I make dinner and then helps with the dishes. She makes it so I can practice some self care (go to the gym and take a shower by myself!), she makes it possible for me to get to school on time for drop off and pick up and makes it so I don't feel like I just ran a marathon by 9am. She has only been here 6 weeks and I don't know what I will do without her. She is sweet and kind and smart and oh so loving. She is confident and explores, she easily makes friends and has the happiest disposition about her. My prayer is that my daughters grow up to be like her. I am so thankful for her presence in our lives. We are fuller and richer and so much better with her in our family. We are living in a dream. We are living THE dream. We are living in what might be one of our most precious memories.