A Bug and Feta Cheese

Well, I thought that I was experiencing early signs of labor last week. But it turns out that a whole week of needing to be near a bathroom at any given time was an illness, not labor. Ugh! It's the strangest bug ever that seems to linger on forEVER and come and go as it pleases. I spoke with my midwife about at my 37 week apt and she confirmed that a little stomach bug is going around and it seems to stick with pregnant women longer (great!).

                    37.75 weeks

Baby didn't grow between 36 and 37 weeks, which apparently is normal. I was able to lose a pound. What?! I am totally that pregnant woman who gains a lot of weight in the beginning (as everyone tells me that it will slow down towards the end) and then I continue to gain strong and steady until birth. Never have I been at a standstill OR lost a pound, so it was kind of exciting to step on the scale and not see the numbers climbing at a rapid rate this week.

I did not get my cervix checked this appointment, by choice. I am Group B Strep positive, and no mom, it's not an STD! Everything else is about the same. Although my belly is super big, I can see and feel his bottom through my belly and it seems so small to me. He is positioned (or my uterus is positioned) in a way that I can almost tell exactly what part of his body I can see/feel. The midwife seems to think that, depending when I deliver, he won't be any bigger than my other two kids (8.7 and 8.1). I mean, she only can tell so much. Lots of hiccups and movement. Can't wait to meet this squirmy boy!!

I have my 38 week apt on Tuesday and these appointments, although short and sweet, seem to be what gets me though each week. I am on an every-other day schedule. One day I am a total wreck, can't bear to carry around the belly any longer, break downs and tears, and the next day I feel like I can do it. My logic and reasoning kick in and I tell myself that I will eventually have the baby and in a blink of an eye we will be celebrating his first birthday.

Joe's parents have had the kids the last 24 hours. It has been a relaxing weekend just Joe and me. We went out to lunch and to a movie yesterday and then had a quiet evening at home. We slept in today, got to church early (that has never happened!) and enjoyed brunch in Stillwater. All of these things are great, but in the process I battle this exhaustion and lack of motivation to do anything (ANYTHING!). Nothing sounds appealing and I only do things because I realize it will help pass the time or because I simply have to. Yea the movie was fun, and even though we were at a theater with huge automatic reclining chairs I couldn't get comfortable or sit still. I tried to lay on my side, but my large rear kept on pushing the reclining button, my legs would fall asleep and with a bowling ball sitting on my gut I had trouble breathing. I was an antsy mess. After the movie a relaxing night at home was great, flipping through channels, just hanging out without any bedtime responsibilities was fantastic, but I was still uncomfortable. And that's life and of course (of course!) all worth it in the end, but reality is, I'M A WRECK. I did, I held it together as we went about our weekend. We walked around a little in Stillwater, I put up with restaurant food (even though restaurant food doesn't sound appealing and I can't eat most of it (hello, gluten!) ). I got up and ready for church. After church as we were eating brunch I realized that they didn't hold the feta on my omelet like I had asked (can't stand feta!) and I started to cry. I am crying in this tiny packed restaurant (imagine a line of people standing directly behind me waiting to be seated and booths around me within arms reach) and I couldn't stop. I just couldn't handle another 'thing' to deal with. I lost it at the Oasis Cafe. I contemplated walking to the bathroom to gain composure, but that would bring attention to me. I had to look down and force myself to stop. We got the omelet for free, but I bawled in the parking lot and the whole way home. Not necessarily over the feta, but yea, over the feta. I just wanted to enjoy something, anything, and even my food wasn't going to be enjoyable. Oh man. I need this baby out! I look at this coming week and just stare out the window. How in the world can I drag my belly around for another two weeks? (until due date). And then I get even more sad because 'I am taking this for granted.' And I think about all the people who A) would love to be pregnant and aren't and B) who have chronic illnesses which make them bed ridden, house bound, sick, all. the. time. and I cry because I have no right to cry over feta cheese, but I did, and it was real.

So there you have it. My state of existence. If you think of it, say a little prayer....mostly for Joe!