Life

I've started a number of posts and none of them ever felt right or completed so I just hit save and never went back. I think this pregnancy is sucking every creative bone out of me.  I swear, I can't get in any sort of groove anymore.

It's not just the stuff that requires a little creativity (the blog and the basement) that is suffering, everything is suffering and for that I am thankful for a husband that really doesn't care. Usually I want to get him to start to care so we can both care about things like how the house looks. Six years later dirty socks are still laying in piles on the floor by his side of the bed and if he stays up later than I do there is usually a beer can or two that sits on the floor by the chair that I grudgingly put in the recycling come morning. But now, his careless attitude is amazing because he doesn't really care about the rancid state that our house is in 24/7.

For one, our bed. This is embarrassing. But for the THIRD night in a row we are sleeping on just the mattress pad. Because putting sheets on is just so hard. Veda crawled in bed with us four nights ago and her diaper leaked onto the sheets, so naturally I stripped the bed. I shouldn't say 'naturally' because there have been many times where I just throw a bath towel over the pee spot and do nothing about the sheets for a day or two. You have to admit it's somewhat comical. But mostly gross. I thought today would be the day to get new sheets on so I took off all the pillow cases too, and even washed the sheets, but nothing has made it's way back on the bed. So here we go again...

Same goes with the bathtub. I went in there today and noticed that the kids' bath toys are scattered in the dry tub. I bathed them three days ago. And just emptied the water. That's it. And every time I walk in the bathroom those nasty bath toys just stare at me and I pretend I don't see them.

The dishes. I'm blaming this one on our delinquent dish washer. The machine has been working on and off for the last six months. It started to sound like a dying cat, but instead of taking care of it I just kept on using it (hey, it washed the dishes!). Until it finally died. I was in denial for a while, kept on putting SLR in it to see if maybe THIS time it would work. Nope. The cycle would run and the dishes would look just the same as they did when I put the in but damp. Even three cycles later. Finally today I couldn't take the pile and was sick of cleaning a single spoon for a bowl of cereal so I bucked up and hand washed and dried what was equal to three loads of dishes. And once those three loads were done so was I...even though there were more dirty dishes to clean. There are still dirty dishes and a used pan in the sink just waiting. Who knows how long they'll wait.

Piles of clothes. Another issue. As you can see with most of my pictures on here, Facebook or IG my kids hate to wear clothes. So that equals them taking off their clothes whenever we come home for an outing. And that also equals piles of clothes and socks in random places around my house. Yesterday I finally gathered them all up and put them in one big pile. Today I sorted through which are dirty and which are clean. And, if I'm lucky, by the end of the weekend the clothes will be put where they belong. And by then more piles will be created.

I don't even want to talk about parenting, because being so tired has really set us back in that department. It's tough to follow through and nip things in the bud right away when the energy is not flowing. Sure, eat a sandwich in my bed just let me sleep! Another movie? Why not, go pick one out! That three minute time out was more like 30 seconds, but everyone is happy and the noise level is bearable. I'm trying to dig myself out of that hole and slowly but surely my children are catching on that MOM IS BACK!

I'm not even going to go into what dinner looks like or all the tears I shed at the beginning of the school year because FIVE DAYS A WEEK IS TOO MUCH  and LEAVING BY 8:05 IS TOO EARLY and I MISS MY OLD LIFE and I MISS SILAS IN THE MORNINGS and you can fill in the rest. Somewhere around week 6 of school I got a grip and stopped crying and got the hang of our new schedule. Now he happily does the carpool line (I just drop him at the door as a teacher helps get him out of the car...meaning, I don't park and walk both kids in to his school, experience my heart getting ripped out while he asks me to stay with him every morning and also try to wrangle Veda away from the Culligan water jug and the fish tank) which means sometimes I don't even put a bra on for preschool drop off and that is my kind of morning.

So yeah, it's going to be a whole nother jolt to the system once this baby actually gets here. I don't really let myself dwell on the scary things too much, but still try to be realistic knowing that Silas and Veda won't just be there to fetch diapers and sing to the baby while I'm showering. Fun thought, though.

In the mean time we thank God for the two precious gifts we have and the one about to be added. A tough phase of life, but I honestly wouldn't change a thing. I was actually hauling dirty clothes baskets downstairs today thinking..I'm going to miss this someday. I know I will. And I will. And so while the clothes washed I had a dance party with the kids as we listened to my old Matchbox 20 CD. We danced and I kept on getting flash backs to freshman year of college when I would listen to Rob Thomas on repeat, knowing that then I was dreaming of the husband and family I would have someday. And now, I'm here. Living the dream!